this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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