I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
only if we run a train.
done.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
