Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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