So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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