I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
