Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
