I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
