I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
