Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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