can u get pink eye on your cock?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
