"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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