Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
