Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
