Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
