yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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