I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't think brook has ever known best
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
