I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
