I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
