I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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