Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
