you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
