when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
