I just cut my nipple shaving
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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