I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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