can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
