it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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