so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
