I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
