I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize