I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
