Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
