She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
