Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
