Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
