You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
