i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize