We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
