Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
3 2 1 whiskey
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
false alarm, still single
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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