Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Did we literally take a cab across the street
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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