I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
