Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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