Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
