Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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