remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
