you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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