jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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