I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
