I'm really into asian looking animals
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
