My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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