i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
