hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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