I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
