He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
