Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
