I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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