What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
