I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize