Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
