Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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