I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
