I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
