don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
