im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
