yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
