Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
