I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
