Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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