you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
